How to get kicked out of a Facebook group
Online discussions taking too much of your time? Here are 13 surefire ways to get kicked out of your favorite Facebook group.
Some people are really good at cleaning up and clearing things out.
They routinely make room for new items by donating, recycling, or discarding items they don’t wear or use anymore.
Others unsubscribe from email lists that no longer have value.
13 time-tested ways to get kicked out of a Facebook group
And still others vow to reduce the number of Facebook groups they participate in so they have more time for other activities.
Does that describe you?
If you need to spend less time in online discussions, here are 13 ways to get kicked out of a Facebook group. As the owner of one group and moderator of another, I promise any combination of them will work.
If you need to spend less time in online discussions, here are 13 ways to get kicked out of a Facebook group.Click to tweet1. Don’t read the group rules.
Rules are for everybody else, right?
If you want to stick around, look for the rules in the group’s “About” section.
“I don’t like it when people come straight into a group with an agenda and don’t read the group rules,” says Heather Townsend, a former co-moderator of the 13,000-plus-member Self-Publishing and Book Marketing group.
In that group, as soon as you post something that’s against the rules, moderators remove your post and give a warning. Do it again, and you’re g-o-n-e.
2. Preface your post with: “Delete if not allowed.”
This is an offshoot of “don’t read the group rules.”
Groups that prohibit specific types of posts share that information in the group rules. If you’re not sure if the rules allow the post you want to share, read them.
Or, send a moderator or admin a direct message describing what you’d like to post and ask if it’s allowed.
Otherwise, you’re asking moderators to do your thinking for you.
Is that fair for these volunteers? Is it smart? Nope and nope.
3. Be blatantly self-promotional in a no-promotion group.
Just because some Facebook groups exist to allow authors to post “buy my book” and “my book is on sale” and “my book was just published” messages doesn’t mean all author groups do. (My Build Book Buzz Book Marketing Group does not because it’s a discussion group.)
“I’m annoyed when members engage in self-promotion, whether it’s in a group that I manage or in someone else’s group. It’s inappropriate, especially within a group that someone else is running,” says Marcia Turner, who runs a secret group for members of the Association of Ghostwriters as well as the private WomensNet group with 22,600-plus members.
Some groups allow it, some don’t. If you want to get kicked out, don’t check the rules first before posting your sales pitch.
4. Be subtly self-promotional in a no-promotion group.
You know who you are in those groups that ban promotional posts….
YOU: “I’ve just created a course that I think is perfect for you guys, but I’m not sure what to call it. What do you think of these options?”
YOU later that week: “Thanks so much for helping me with the course title! Here’s what I ended up with — and here’s the link where you can buy it! You guys rock! xoxo”
MODERATOR: “Buh-bye.”
5. Always be a taker; never a giver.
Ask for help or advice, but don’t help anyone out or share useful information. You’re busy, right?
Granted, as newbies, many of us don’t feel qualified to answer questions or help others. But we can contribute in other important ways:
- Congratulate someone posting about a success.
- Thank someone for sharing information you found interesting or helpful.
- Provide an opinion when it’s requested.
For the most part, though, this one is more of a problem when combined with the tactic number 6, up next. Doing both together repeatedly will help you get kicked out of any Facebook group.
6. Never say “thank you.”
I’ll admit that as someone who automatically says “thank you” to Siri, this is a pet peeve.
That’s why it gets you escorted to the virtual door quickly in any group I manage.
It’s easy to pull off, too! Just ask lots of questions, grab the answers offered by group members, and solve your problem without bothering to thank the people who helped.
It might take you a while to establish this rude pattern, but it will get noticed.
7. Ask for opinions, then argue with everyone who responds.
If the real reason for your request is to validate your perspective, you might want to rethink posting because you might not get what you seek.
“It’s annoying when they ask for help, then argue with the person who gave feedback they don’t like,” says Townsend.
To use this approach to get kicked out so you don’t have to quit, be sure to respond with comments that include, “You don’t understand,” “My situation is different,” and “It’s too late to change that.”
8. Confuse the group with Google.
Here’s the best way to use the group rather than doing any research on your own: Join a group dedicated to your new favorite interest, topic X. Then, post, “Hi! I’m new to this group. I don’t know anything about topic X. What can you tell me?”
From what I’ve seen, most members know at least a little about topic X before joining. They use the group to learn more about a specific aspect of it, talk about a topic they enjoy discussing, or get ideas.
If you want to leave, though, admit that you haven’t done any research on your own, but are looking forward to everyone in the group sharing everything they’ve learned with you in long and detailed answers to your nonspecific questions.
9. Hijack the discussion. A lot.
Someone who hijacks the discussion adds a comment or asks a question that’s off-topic or unrelated to the discussion. It’s the online version of interrupting to change the subject while someone is speaking.
“For example, someone posts, ‘What one marketing technique has been the most effective for you?’ and a member responds, ‘Whatever you do, don’t follow Jane Doe’s advice. I bought her system and although it promised to show me how to do X, Y, and Z, it didn’t work,’ — and X, Y, and Z have nothing do with marketing,” says Turner.
But don’t do this just once or twice. Moderators look for patterns in behavior, so do it regularly if you want to get kicked out of a Facebook group.
10. Share information from a private group outside the group.
Some groups prohibit this (see tactic number 1, above).
“In many cases, people in the group paid for access to useful information shared there and having it become public knowledge reduces the value of that group membership,” says Turner.
In addition to the fact that group membership might be linked to something the member spent money on, including training programs or professional association memberships, the “don’t share outside the group” rule often exists to protect member privacy.
11. Attack the moderator.
This is more common than common sense would suggest.
When I recently — and gently — asked a new group member a few questions about the group she was asking our members to join*, she immediately went on the attack.
(*Unrelated to my conversation with this poster but worth noting: It’s bad form to use one group’s hard work growing a group to build a membership for another.)
I’m all for debate, discourse, and other d-words, but she was so off-base and inappropriate — and I was so not in the mood to even think about why she was so hostile so quickly — that I simply removed her from the group.
Nobody’s paying me to take abuse from Facebook groupies.
12. Offer bad advice with great confidence.
Why know what you’re talking about when you can just fake it?
Moderators often have significant topic expertise, so they can spot posers pretty quickly. (Pro tip: They’re often the people with the loudest voices.)
When repeated misinformation from a member threatens to harm group members, posers will have be escorted to the door.
13. Bully people.
At first, I thought the bully in the Build Book Buzz group might be having a few bad days. When the nastiness continued and a favorite member left because of it, I had to act and ban the bully.
Fortunately, the member who felt forced out returned when I apologized for waiting too long to take action.
I learned from that experience.
I’ve watched many group moderators show zero tolerance for bullying, so when you’re ready to be shown the door, just verbally abuse one or two people.
How to remain in your favorite group
Trying just one of these tricks on occasion is not a deal-breaker.
So, if you want to get kicked out of a Facebook group, you’ll have to do several of them frequently. That will help you establish a pattern that’s hard to overlook.
What’s the best way to stay in a group and possibly even get invited to be a moderator? Apply what you learned in kindergarten:
- Say please and thank you.
- Be nice to others.
- Be helpful.
If you want to do this while discussing book marketing topics, we’d love to have you in the Build Book Buzz Facebook group. It’s a great group of smart people who are willing to share what they’ve learned. Join us!
What group behavior bothers you? What behavior makes you applaud? Please tell us in a comment!
(Editor’s note: This article was first published in January 2018. It has been updated and expanded.)
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I clicked on the link and I’m not in the group so either I was never in it and don’t remember or I got kicked out at some point and did not notice!
As fate would have it I just got banned from Facebook(not any particular group)minutes ago. This morning I sent a post to about 15 dog-themed groups.An hour later, I sent a link to a video about a dog that saved a girl’s life. Nothing advertising my book, no link to my web site.
I can only guess it was the volume of postings that snagged me? Any other possibilities. I know I’ll never get an answer from Facebook
Uh-oh. I suspect it’s the mass posting, but that’s just a guess. What a pain.
Sandy
I’ve had it happen to me too, Walter. I haven’t been able to figure out the magic number. Some days I can post to ten groups, all posts worded differently, and other days Facebook gets annoyed at five.
As soon as the system sends you a message that says your post looks like spam, stop posting. Go to the link they provide and tell them it’s not spam. They should reinstate it if it doesn’t violate their community guidelines.
Important: Don’t post to any more groups until the following day, or they’ll ban you for several days.
Great advice, Kathy. Thanks!
Sandy
Not sure what “10. Be sure to add “and go!” when you ask for advice” means. Could you explain? Thanks.
Sometimes people add that to a request for help, as in: “What’s your favorite slow cooker recipe? And go!”
Sandy
Oh my goodness, I hate that so much. I see it on regular posts in my feed too.
I do, too, Cat! I never do “go” in response — how about you?
Sandy
Hi, Sandy! Good article. When I was first learning (and needing) to promote my book, I struggled with interacting in FB groups because, of course, I wanted to promote. As I’ve become more involved in some of the groups, I discovered the real value is in the connections I make, the friendships that have blossomed, the advice I received, etc.
Hey Karen, you must have figured it out because you’ve done a great job promoting your book!
One of the problems with authors in particular is that there are A LOT of groups where you just drop in a link to your book’s sales page and run — with the expectation that readers will see it and buy. They don’t, and they don’t, but that’s another discussion…. What’s relevant here is that too many authors think all groups are “drop & run” groups and don’t realize that there’s this whole other “discussion” category.
Thanks for stopping by!
Sandy
I’m a big fan of Facebook and Instagram (glad you joined, Sandra – good to see your posts on IG). The drop & run that can get us banned on FB is equally annoying anywhere in the social media sphere.
I’ve been on Instagram 4 years. How about you?
Some FB groups for authors and books are set up specifically for that drop & run approach, but none that I’m involved with. I agree — it’s a useless tactic no matter what the platform.
Sandy
Thanks, Sandy… Good post. I especially love your final point. All those things we should have learned in kindergarten… I wonder why so many people didn’t. (sigh)
Thank you for sharing so much of your expertise with those of us who are trying to learn it all while working full-time day jobs and writing books.
You’re welcome, Dana. And thanks for the kind words. I try!
I don’t know how so many of you fit it all in and do it so well, and yet, you do! Keep it up.
Sandy
Thank you! I especially like the one about self-promotion. It’s difficult within a group I’m in not to talk about my book or page. I’m there to offer help and insights and very occasionally, to ask a question, and I’m considered an expert on the topic. Thus, I’ll say “my book” or “I wrote a blog piece on this that goes into greater detail, but basically….” and let the other person ask for more.
I disagree on thread hijacking. I encourage it on my page, and will start a new thread on a topic that is taking off. This worked well in some community pages I was in. Some of the most creative people are nonlinear in their thinking, and I like them to feel welcome.
Thanks for your insights, Nancy. Re. thread hijacking, I have 2 thoughts. One is that the hijacker is asking a question that deserves attention that it won’t get. That’s because in many cases, people who can help aren’t reading the thread because they’re not interested in the designated topic. Instead of starting a new discussion myself, I encourage the off-topic poster to start a new discussion to make sure their voice gets heard. I like that you do it for them — I just prefer to let the individual take the lead. The second is that in some situations, the hijacker takes the discussion in a whole ‘nother direction, with the result being that the original poster’s issue gets completely lost. That’s not fair to the person who started the discussion.
Sandy
My favorite FB group gaffe is when someone was asked not to promote his work on that particular day but rather to wait for a “share your stuff” day.
He argued with her, saying it was NOT promotion. (Hint: It was.)
Later, dude.
In one group I’m in, whenever people ask a question about promotion, agents, editing, the color of the sky or whatever, there’s this one guy who always always ALWAYS manages to work in the fact that he’s not a “selfie,” i.e., a self-published author but rather one with a REAL publishers (although he never says which publisher and seems to be posting under a pseudonym).
Good for you. You’ve got a publisher. You’re also insufferable.
Besides, one of the hardest-working writers I know, who has in fact been on The New York Times best-seller list, has opted to go the self-publishing route. It is no longer the sole province of people who have no other options.
I enjoyed this article and have bookmarked your site.
Donna, I love your perspective. Thank you! This is great feedback. Regarding self- vs traditional publishing, it’s not as black and white as some might think. This makes me think I should create some kind of matrix that helps people decide what might make the most sense for their situation. Thanks for the idea!
And please come back and comment again!
Sandy
Nice post.
I agree with much of it and in the management of my Facebook group, I specify a zero tolerance on trolling, or those people who just can’t help but incite others by being argumentative, rude, or condescending.
I’ve engaged with members and warned them, and ended up blocking them a few times. Once member decided to try and rejoin using fake accounts, which I was wise to and prevented. Then she trolled me on my other business pages and website. So now I have an anonymous group of moderators who assist with the group.
I tell them not to engage with a member that is causing a problem, but just to block them and delete their comments. That way it reduces the risk of ‘revenge trolling’ and the members all know the rules.
That’s such a smart strategy, David. Thanks for sharing it. You have to feel sorry for people who stalk and troll online, right? Imagine how miserable they must be.
Sandy
Banning members simply for not saying thank you is cruel.
Human trafficking is cruel. Removing someone from a group because they have established themselves as ungrateful takers is, at worst, annoying.
Sandy
Do you at least give those people a warning?
Yes.
Sandy
Lmfao , could just said exist. As I’ve never done anything in this micro managing list of totalitarian nonsense and still been kicked.
Maybe it’s your attitude? LMFAOMA
Sandy
hi there, may i ask your opinion on something please? I was kind of raised to just automatically be polite and to show respect and appreciation. So ive just been accepted to a facebook group i was really excited to join, i answered their specific questions which means someone had to go through and approve them, so when I was accepted i tried to post “thank you for adding me guys” i was genuinely just trying to be grateful and show a little appreciation and kindness but the post got rejected and i got banned for one day! is it really now considered rude to be polite on social media? this baffles me, and also saddens me a little bit. I understand some ppl dont like scrolling through things maybe but when i see other ppl give thanks for being accepted to a group im already in it makes me smile it doesn’t upset me. Anyway i have been accepted to a few other groups since but am now a little too anxious to go and thank them for accepting me so before i do i thought id seek out some advice lol. Thank you so much for the article by the way i think it will help a lot of people out! cheers <3
oh and i double checked the rules just to make sure i hadnt missed something and there is zero mention discouraging people from posting their thanks, anyway i just want to make sure i abide by the right etiquette and dont get kicked out of any other groups the same day i get accepted haha
How odd. I’m sorry that happened to you! I can’t speak for that group’s owner, admin, or moderator, so I don’t know why they made that decision. I suspect, though, that it’s a very large group. Those of us with smaller, more intimate, groups like to get to know our members and aren’t bothered by these things.
But in your shoes, I’d view it as a lesson and not repeat it in any other group. Most groups do a regular “welcome new members” post (I do it weekly in my Build Book Buzz Book Marketing Group); that’s the best time to say “thanks.” I’m also an admin for another much larger group, and while I’d never delete such a post or put the member in a “time out,” I will say that it’s just one more post to scroll past, and in large groups w/a lot of activity, some people won’t like that.
The other piece is that saying thanks — as heartfelt and polite as it is — doesn’t add to the quality of the group’s content. Maybe those people are too focused on that.
Not much help, right? Keep on being a nice, polite person, but just don’t say “thanks” when you join a group!
Sandy
Thank you so much for the advice much appreciated 🙏 I will most definitely wait for the welcome wagon before expressing my thanks in future 😄 I did msg the moderater and apologised if I had broken any rules and that if I had done something wrong could he let me know what so I can avoid it in the future and thanked them again for including me. I did a bit of research after and it does indeed seem like the younger generations find this ‘selfish’ and ‘attention grabbing’ which I find sad as I honestly just like to make people smile and thank them for the hard work they’ve done, the scary thing is I’m not exactly older only in my early 30s but I guess it was the way I was raised, and lack of time spent on social media as well. Live and learn as they say 😆 thank you for such a speedy reply by the way and your kind words 🙏
Here’s another lesson, Chantelle: I don’t recommend messaging the moderator and saying you’re sorry, thanking them again, etc. You’re unintentionally creating more work for them. These types of “what did I do wrong” messages can sometimes feel like push back, too, and no moderator has time to argue with a member about rules and decisions. This means you won’t get any answers about what you did “wrong,” but do you really need them? All you need to do is learn from the experience and move on.
Sandy
I see admins taking such drastic measures for thanking them for accepting you as a good example of some of them liking to ban members for no good reason. I have had this happen to me.
Great post, and I think I could add another to this list. I’m a member of several groups run by (mostly) retired first responders which are there to specifically help authors write realistic crime/fire/trauma scenes. In addition to the non-experts answering, we’ve also had a few of these non-experts going on to tell you how to write your scene/story. One guy got 3 strikes before I blocked him – each time I had replied thank you, but I’m not asking how to write the story, I just want clarification on this one point, but he would not take the hint! As I’m not a mod I couldn’t boot him, but I did feel sorry for people he did lead down the garden path based on things like what his uncle’s cousin’s wife told him this one time.
Katy, that would make me NUTS! Can you imagine trying to have a real-life conversation with that man? Your experience echoes mine: The people who know the least have the loudest voices in these groups. If the moderators are paying attention, they’ll take action eventually.
And I LOVE that groups like this exist! How very cool! This reminds me of when I was an outside writer for a foundation-funded initiative to improve the quality of care at the end of life. One of the programs under the large project umbrella connected doctors with medical and legal drama scriptwriters, etc., to help them more accurately depict the emotional and physical aspects of dying, along with some of the ethical concerns, like assisted suicide. It was important work considering the popularity of these TV shows, and the medical consultants truly made a difference.
You’ve given me an idea for a blog post. I’d love to compile a list of FB groups like the one you’ve mentioned. If you’re comfortable doing so, please share group names here or in an email to me (sbATbuildbookbuzz.com).
Thanks!
Sandy